Busy Times

So blogging has not been something that's seemed important to me recently, not because I don't like to blog but mainly due to my life becoming somewhat hectic in the last few months.

I guess it's easy when things are going well to forget what the difficult times are like, but let me tell you when they hit you they hit you hard.

With a work schedule that sees me up half the night on a good day it wouldn't have taken much for me to be knocked off course, and yet what actually happened in my life - whilst not seemingly dramatic to others - was significant enough to make me question everything that I hold dear.

I don't have a bad life, nor do I have a tough life, but what I do have is far more responsibility than I ever dreamed of having added to some immense pressures from other angles.

Basically a perfect storm of sleepless nights, feeling lousy and the ever changing sand shifting beneath my feet. No wonder I'm more tired now than I've ever been before.

For a while I truly started to look at myself in the mirror and wonder who I was, because the eyes staring back at me seemed to have no relation to the madness in my head. However slowly but surely I am beginning to take back little bits of myself with every passing day.

There have been some small minor victories, and some larger ones, there has been laughter as well as tears, and most importantly I'm beginning to realise what truly matters to me.

I think for the first time in a long time I have started to comprehend that I can do this. That I'm still me. And that somewhere inside me I'm a lot tougher than I give myself credit for.

Don't get me wrong, I've had more than one moment where I wanted to tell the world to sod off, crawl back under my blanket and enjoy the darkness but now every single thing I tick off my to do list is a positive step.

Today is a good day.

Gandi once said that you must be the change you wish to see within the world. I want the world to be a better place, therefore I've spent some time healing and I'm almost back, ready and raring to face the world once more.

To everyone who I have shut out, I look forward to catching up. To the people who are still there beside me, in spite of all my dark moods and angst, you'll never know how much that means to me.

I never want a summer like this again. However I will be stronger for it, and now I can face the future knowing I have a plan.

I'm glad I made it this far, there's still miles to go before I sleep but it's a start right?

Sorry for the rambling post, it's just sometimes what I really need to do is write things down. If I can put words to how I'm feeling, then I know I can begin to comprehend it, and recently I've been missing a whole heap of words. I'm just starting to have an understanding of what I'm feeling, where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. And now I can voice it I know what it is that I need to do.

Fish, Chips and Notting Hill Gate

This is a reworking of a post I put up last year on a previous blog. 

I have been told many times in recent years that I amuse people when I talk, which doesn’t sound like the most ringing endorsement does it? This started with my sister and my mum pulling me up over how I say a particular set of words (more on that in a second) and has now escalated to other people noticing particular phrases I apparently say differently to the rest of the world.

Bizarrely all of the offending phrases contain three words and it transpires most people say them with the same rhythm they use in normal speech, whereas apparently I do not. I cannot hear a difference when I am just chattering away but if someone repeats it back to me how they advise I say it even I have to throw up a chuckle.

So what precisely do I say that is weird?

It all started on a trip to London to visit Portobello Road market, which my sister, mum and I used to love doing. We would get a tube across town and alight at Notting Hill Gate station. Say that aloud, Notting Hill Gate. Done it?

Right well apparently most people say Notting Hill Gate as three distinct words within their normal speaking pattern, as in Notting-Hill-Gate, three beats, four syllables. It turns out I say the equivalent of Notting Hillgate, dropping any spacing between the last two words and turning it into a word of its own. The fact I also say it with a slight inflection just draws attention to it.

I know it sounds minor and it is, I mean I don’t even say it that often but it amused them and every time we have been there since I have been forced to repeat it to make them laugh. I thought that was it, just one place in the world I cannot say correctly.

It turns out I was wrong.

Last summer we were arranging a family gathering in nearby Richmond Park and I was discussing the parking situation with my mum. I pointed out that the only car park likely to have enough space was Robin Hood Gate. Again, say that aloud. Robin-Hood-Gate, three beats, four syllables. We didn’t end up using the park in the end but Robin Hoodgate was born, with the same inflection and merged words. It turns out that I have a tendency to create my own language some times.

But then it just went bonkers.

I was ordering lunch with some friends and I wanted cod, chips and mushy peas. I asked for fish and chips and my friends were in stitches, because apparently my version sounds more like Fish Handchips. That definitely doesn’t sound English and even when it does it makes me sound like a really excitable child who is desperate for dinner. Of course I explained the story about Notting Hillgate and they then spent the rest of the day asking people to say that aloud. I was the only one who said it distinctively as two words rather than three.

As I said, it is just a silly thing but a silly thing that I cannot find anyone else who in the world who says the same as I do. And it turns out that these aren’t the only things I say incorrectly, but more on that another time.

So if you ever travel through Notting Hill Gate station or order Fish and Chips, think of me. I am the one who cannot say those words without amusing someone even if I don’t know I am doing it. And all it has done is make me question, if I say these words incorrectly, what else do I say that is out of sync with the rest of the English speaking population?

Random oddness, but then that describes me quite well.