Making plans, moving forward

Sorry I've not posted on here as much as I would have liked to recently but it has been both a busy and difficult few months for me. I've been battling a to do list as long as anything, enough emotional stress to make my world feel a pretty dark place and a health status that was shall we say less than healthy.

However 2014 is here and things are changing for me. I'm getting myself up to date, arranged and organised like never before. If I am going to get to where I both want and need to be this year, I've got to use my time productively and with a focus. Oh and stick to things because I am rubbish at that.

General organisation
For personal use in my own life I rely on my Remember the Milk app like no other. It's just what I need to prompt me to do everything from sending my nan a regular letter to checking when my mentee is available.  I love having the app to see a whole week at a glance and it's great at reminding me to do the basics, e.g. take tablets every day too.
For work I've just transferred my to do list to my outlook calendar because not only is this visible to me on my laptop but it syncs to my work blackberry too so I can do things whilst I'm travelling. Especially useful as South West trains are frequently delayed so I've always more time on my hands commuting than I would have wanted.

Writing
For my writing I've adopted the use of the Tasks n Todos app for android as this combines my multiple to do lists from my writing email account to an easy to use app on my phone. I use this to track tweets I must send, blog posts I must write, courses and networking opportunities to follow up on and also my scriptwriting progress of course. This is a useful way to track things that aren't as easy to remember as what project I'm working on and the irritating reminders are actually making me work harder to make them go away.

In addition I'm putting all my deadlines on a wall planner so I can start to track back and set smaller goals to ensure I achieve them.

Resolutions
This year I've a number of key resolutions that I'm trying to achieve and I'm using www.getgoaling.com to manage them. The site encourages you to set targets and tasks to help you achieve the major goals and is set out so I've a combined weekly schedule.
My resolutions for 2014 are split into three categories:

Financial
This encompasses buying a property, being financially stable and saving for a number of significant holidays. No small amount of pressure there then.

People I love
In light of recent tough times with Emma I've realised my priorities have been so screwed up I've neglected people around me therefore this encompasses strengthening my circle of friends and spending more quality time with family, especially my sister Tink, as I don't see her so much these days.

Health
My health has deteriorated in the past twelve months to the point where I've numerous diagnoses but am nowhere near feeling any better, therefore I endeavour to manage my health, diet, exercise regime and sleep cycle more proactively to change this for the better. Anything to feel well again would be good.

Daily checklist
Additionally to all of the above I've also adopted a goals tracker calendar for daily monitoring of some contributing factors. These were selected as they were not things I would never or always do but I wanted to make a significant change on that I could see progress against.

Eat at least one proper meal per day - 25 days per month
No fizzy drinks days - 15 days per month
No takeaway days - 25 days per month
No alcohol days - 25 days per month
Write at least 1000 words per day - 20 days per month

Three days into 2014 and I've managed 3, 0, 3, 3 & 2 respective label so doing well on all except giving up fizzy drinks. I might add more as I monitor some of my other goals and resolutions.

Summary
There you have it. I'm all good to go for 2014 and not only that but I've got  technology to support me, monitor me and hunt me down when I don't stick to the rules.

This has got to work right?

Now I just need to locate my pomodoro app to coerce me into doing more than just writing lists about all the things I'm going to do!

Busy Times

So blogging has not been something that's seemed important to me recently, not because I don't like to blog but mainly due to my life becoming somewhat hectic in the last few months.

I guess it's easy when things are going well to forget what the difficult times are like, but let me tell you when they hit you they hit you hard.

With a work schedule that sees me up half the night on a good day it wouldn't have taken much for me to be knocked off course, and yet what actually happened in my life - whilst not seemingly dramatic to others - was significant enough to make me question everything that I hold dear.

I don't have a bad life, nor do I have a tough life, but what I do have is far more responsibility than I ever dreamed of having added to some immense pressures from other angles.

Basically a perfect storm of sleepless nights, feeling lousy and the ever changing sand shifting beneath my feet. No wonder I'm more tired now than I've ever been before.

For a while I truly started to look at myself in the mirror and wonder who I was, because the eyes staring back at me seemed to have no relation to the madness in my head. However slowly but surely I am beginning to take back little bits of myself with every passing day.

There have been some small minor victories, and some larger ones, there has been laughter as well as tears, and most importantly I'm beginning to realise what truly matters to me.

I think for the first time in a long time I have started to comprehend that I can do this. That I'm still me. And that somewhere inside me I'm a lot tougher than I give myself credit for.

Don't get me wrong, I've had more than one moment where I wanted to tell the world to sod off, crawl back under my blanket and enjoy the darkness but now every single thing I tick off my to do list is a positive step.

Today is a good day.

Gandi once said that you must be the change you wish to see within the world. I want the world to be a better place, therefore I've spent some time healing and I'm almost back, ready and raring to face the world once more.

To everyone who I have shut out, I look forward to catching up. To the people who are still there beside me, in spite of all my dark moods and angst, you'll never know how much that means to me.

I never want a summer like this again. However I will be stronger for it, and now I can face the future knowing I have a plan.

I'm glad I made it this far, there's still miles to go before I sleep but it's a start right?

Sorry for the rambling post, it's just sometimes what I really need to do is write things down. If I can put words to how I'm feeling, then I know I can begin to comprehend it, and recently I've been missing a whole heap of words. I'm just starting to have an understanding of what I'm feeling, where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. And now I can voice it I know what it is that I need to do.

June Challenge: Day 14: Ten things that make me really happy

Day 14, Friday: Ten things that make me really happy

This is an interesting one to ask today of all days, which is also why I didn't answer it yesterday when it was due. However as stressful as the past few days have been I do have reasons to smile, some of which I've listed here.

1. Making a difference at work
2. Watching a television programme I love
3. Taking time to sit back and enjoy life
4. Unexpected messages from someone I wanted to hear from
5. Weekends away with good friends
6. Spending family time with my mum and Tink
7. Snuggling up with Emma as she snuffles in her sleep
8. Bonkers fictional conversations at 3am with Toni
9. Writing scripts and fanfic, especially at midnight
10. Knowing that someone is there for you when you really need support

June Challenge: Day 4: Favourite Quote

Day 4, Tuesday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why I love it:

There are two quotes that I love more than others. One was in an email that was sent to me by my good friend J many years ago, and I love this because it meant so much to both of us at the time. The words are very powerful and very true, they sum up what it means to love and be loved.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on him; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you're having a bad hair day; who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "That's her..."

The second is actually from Buffy the Vampire Slayer would you believe! Whistler says it in Series 2, the last episode of series 2 (Becoming Pt 1 and 2). I love it because it sums up what I feel about life. It isn't what you've been through that counts, the big moments we all go through are important but everyone has them. It is how you deal with what happened to you, how when you strip it all back and your defences are removed, you get up, dust yourself off and carry on - that is what really counts.

Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change. Not really. But it does. So what are we? Helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are....

There's moments in your life that make you. That set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes, they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes, they're not. 

June Challenge: Day 1: The story of my life

June Blog Challenge - Day 1, Saturday (so I am a day late): The story of my life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting my words... probably)

What is there to know about me? I am 28 years old, as of last Saturday, and I live in South West London - or North Surrey depending on who you ask. In fact I have lived near Chessington World of Adventures my whole life, which is lots of fun except for constant nightmares about being eaten by escaped wild animals. I'm a university drop out who got a job by chance and a career I loved through what can only be described as fate, and still can't believe how much I fell on my feet.

My family are made up of a mum who is one of my closest friends, a dad I argue with because we are far too alike (apparently) and a sister I call Tinkerbelle, which was ironic because she was not a girly girl at all at the time of giving her the name but these days she is just as at home in dresses as she is in jeans and trainers. Tink is the most brilliant little sister - one I am incredibly proud of - and her and her boyfriend are two of the loveliest people you could ever meet. Outside of them I have more aunts, uncles and cousins than I can name here and we comprise a very bonkers family that I adore. 

My closest friend in the world is Emma, who is the strongest, bravest and genuinely most insane person I have ever met. She has encouraged me to come out of my shell and enjoy the madness, and it is because of her I am as happy as I am today. I also have some of the greatest colleagues in the world who love after work drinks as much as I do and as a consequence the bars of central London are fast becoming my favourite haunts. Some of my favourite people in the entire world are friends I have made online - especially Lucy, Toni, Jaz, Abbey, Brooke.... need I go on, you all know who you are. 

As for me, what can I say? I love writing more than anything in the world, reading in second place and watching television dramas in third. I'm not very sociable generally speaking and am just as happy on my own as I am with others, more so in fact. I love tattoos and piercings and messing about with my hair colour as much as I love my little cuddly rabbit and my onesie! I love the freedom of driving my car and escaping normality for a while. My favourite places I've been to are San Francisco, Yosemite National Park, Grand Canyon, Iceland, Wales (all of it!), Devon/Cornwall (all of it!) and now Glasgow. I want to go to South Africa, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and Ireland in the next few years. 

So there we have it, it is a good job no one is keeping an eye on the word count - I've not added it up but I know that is more than 250 words. 
Oops
Until next time!