Busy Times

So blogging has not been something that's seemed important to me recently, not because I don't like to blog but mainly due to my life becoming somewhat hectic in the last few months.

I guess it's easy when things are going well to forget what the difficult times are like, but let me tell you when they hit you they hit you hard.

With a work schedule that sees me up half the night on a good day it wouldn't have taken much for me to be knocked off course, and yet what actually happened in my life - whilst not seemingly dramatic to others - was significant enough to make me question everything that I hold dear.

I don't have a bad life, nor do I have a tough life, but what I do have is far more responsibility than I ever dreamed of having added to some immense pressures from other angles.

Basically a perfect storm of sleepless nights, feeling lousy and the ever changing sand shifting beneath my feet. No wonder I'm more tired now than I've ever been before.

For a while I truly started to look at myself in the mirror and wonder who I was, because the eyes staring back at me seemed to have no relation to the madness in my head. However slowly but surely I am beginning to take back little bits of myself with every passing day.

There have been some small minor victories, and some larger ones, there has been laughter as well as tears, and most importantly I'm beginning to realise what truly matters to me.

I think for the first time in a long time I have started to comprehend that I can do this. That I'm still me. And that somewhere inside me I'm a lot tougher than I give myself credit for.

Don't get me wrong, I've had more than one moment where I wanted to tell the world to sod off, crawl back under my blanket and enjoy the darkness but now every single thing I tick off my to do list is a positive step.

Today is a good day.

Gandi once said that you must be the change you wish to see within the world. I want the world to be a better place, therefore I've spent some time healing and I'm almost back, ready and raring to face the world once more.

To everyone who I have shut out, I look forward to catching up. To the people who are still there beside me, in spite of all my dark moods and angst, you'll never know how much that means to me.

I never want a summer like this again. However I will be stronger for it, and now I can face the future knowing I have a plan.

I'm glad I made it this far, there's still miles to go before I sleep but it's a start right?

Sorry for the rambling post, it's just sometimes what I really need to do is write things down. If I can put words to how I'm feeling, then I know I can begin to comprehend it, and recently I've been missing a whole heap of words. I'm just starting to have an understanding of what I'm feeling, where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. And now I can voice it I know what it is that I need to do.