Can you recall where you were precisely to the moment twelve months ago today?
I can. To the minute.
I remember the thunder storm, I remember the DVDs, I remember reading a book on a bench in Cardiff Bay. I remember the sound of laughter through tears. I remember sunshine through the rain.
But most of all I remember the gut wrenching moment my beautiful best friend told me she was dying and that I would lose her forever.
I've never known pain like that moment.
I've never known love like that moment.
I've never known fear like that moment.
And I've never known numbness like that moment.
A year ago today my life both ended and begun, a simultaneous act of existence that will remain with me forever. For it was in learning that I would lose her that I finally understood what it was to know her, to be the other half of her and to be the person she wanted to protect her. It was in learning that I had failed to keep her safe that I finally understood how to keep her warm and it was in learning of her upcoming death that I finally understood what it was to keep her alive.
To my beautiful Emma who has defied the odds every single day, remember that I will always treasure that day. That moment where through the haze of words I wasn't strong enough to comprehend you reached up and wiped away my tears. You told me we would be strong together and that not even death could separate us.
Twelve months have passed. You're still fighting. I'm still struggling. We're still the other half of each other's soul. You're mine, I'm yours and the love and friendship we share, well that can never die.
It's you and me. Just like forever. Just like always. Just like eternity.
And that moment, a year ago today, remains ingrained in my heart, and in my mind, and will stay there, heading up a movie stream of memories of you that will keep me warm long after you've departed this mortal place.
You wiped my tears and I've wiped yours. Just as it should be. Just as it was. Just as it will be again.
A year ago today changed my world. I remember each moment with crystal clarity.
Never forget where you've been and the people who've held your hand along the way; you never know who may no longer be there to light the way for you where you're going next.
I love you Emma x x x
